It was so beautiful outside
The day I met you
I could see all the way to the other side
Of the colony
The buildings looked like metallic suns
Shining in a black tarmac sky
It was funny the way the park
Was fenced with barbed wire those days
They were so afraid in the colony
I think they were scared
Of people like you

I gave the base one last glance to make sure that no one was watching. To look over one’s shoulder was very important, you had to second and even triple guess yourself to make sure the situation was absolutely perfect. The mission was accomplished as far as it could be at the moment, so I was faced with something extraordinarily annoying: there was nothing to do. I looked to the park inside the military part of the base. It was strange to see a big field of open grass surrounded by barbed wire, like no one was ever allowed to walk on it. This thought in itself was my invitation.

I was just walking in the park
My puppy Mary was an early Christmas present
She needed the exercise
And as much love as she could get
I saw you lying there
Lonely on the ground
Just one strange, sad looking boy
Enjoying the quiet
In that wide open field

The fence was easy to get over; all fences are if you jump high enough. It was so quiet, very eerie to ears that had always been used to the sounds of conflict and training for conflict. For some reason I found myself just lying there and staring up at the sky. For a moment the thoughts of the mission, all of those tireless constant thoughts that had been pounded into my head as soon as I could hold a gun left my mind. The sky was too beautiful for words; I had never noticed that the world could look like this. Then all of the sudden my picturesque world was obscured by a very strange thing indeed. I was now quite surprisingly staring at a little girl.

I thought you were lost
You seemed so surprised when I asked
You sat up, shook your head
Staring at me and hopelessly confused
Your eyes were the strangest blue color
Like never ending seas
Those eyes hid a very deep mind
And it was then
That I knew you were a friend

"Are you lost?" she asked curiously. I certainly was lost, at a loss for words. What was I going to say to this little person? I had never seen someone else her age for some reason; the fact disturbed the back of my mind.

"I’ve been lost ever since the day I was born," I blinked at her. This was the shortest way of saying a long truth. I was the mission; every part of my mind had been trained to obey the one objective. I would have been expendable if I was any other ordinary soldier, but I was the perfect weapon. A human mind, the deadliest weapon anyone I’d known could think of. A human mind that was completely emotionless and utterly lost.

You were so odd
A puzzle I couldn’t quite solve
But that didn’t matter
Mary had made a new friend
I knew you were kind so I gave you a flower
A symbol of all those nice things
That kind people love
Mary wanted to go play
So I didn’t even bother to say good-bye
I knew your deep blue gaze followed me
Long after I had forgotten you were there

She giggled and responded happily. I don’t think I even remember what exactly she said, except that this girl wasn’t lost at all. She had always had all of the answers she needed, she had a family, people that raised her out of love, not for their own purposes. Her little dog ran in the other direction so she followed, disappearing across the field as quickly as she had come. My eyes tracked her like I had done for so many countless enemies, except that I really wanted her to come back. Seeing such innocence and carefree joy had woken up a small resistance in me. Something that had been brutally trained from my mind long ago.

That night was strange too
There was a loud crashing sound
After I had gone to bed
Mary yelped in confusion
I heard lots of people shouting
For some reason I couldn’t see in my room
Smoke was everywhere
It’s really hard to describe
I’m sure I heard you too
Only you weren’t shouting
This is going to sound weird,
But I heard your tight breathing
Kind of like you were very afraid
The same breathing as me

But the very first thing I was taught is that my feelings didn’t matter. The mission always comes first. No matter who or what gets in my way I must always complete the mission. Lesson number one, and I hadn’t forgotten. I stared through the fence, past the field, and watched the target, completely absorbing what I was about to do. Without a second thought I pressed the detonation switch.

For the very first time in my memory something went wrong. The explosion of the base it a rogue mobile suit on display across the street. It blew up into a million flames and slammed into an apartment. A residential apartment, my mind automatically identified. Suddenly I heard screaming and the reality hit me as the building started growing flames of it’s own. There were people in that building, innocent people. My mind flashed back to the girl and I dropped the switch and started running. What was I going to do? She must have already been dead but I ran right up to the building anyway. I couldn’t breath, that girl, her family…

I had failed a mission. Innocent civilians were never supposed to get hurt. Her smiling face was the only thing I saw as the building exploded again and again in flame. I clutched the flower she had given to me like it was the last one in the universe, which of course it was. She wasn’t lost at all…and she never would be…

It didn’t last for very long
The whole odd feeling
I had just enough time to wonder
About a lot of assorted things
Where was Mary?
My family?
My teddy?
But I wondered most of all
What had made you so afraid
For your eyes showed no fear
Staring up at a metallic summer sky
I hoped you were okay
And that you’d feel better in the morning

The police and military woke up soon enough. I had to run, after all, my feelings still didn’t matter and part of the mission was still left. In the morning they made it snow on the colony for Christmas. No one went near the wreckage of the building, it would be reported tomorrow. No need to ruin people’s holiday, no need to hurt their feelings. For some unfathomable reason their feelings all mattered so much more than mine.

I wanted to find her again; somehow she had to have survived. Maybe she got out before the first explosion, or maybe she wasn’t in the building at all. I ignored the snow, though now my mind noticed how beautiful it was as well. I had broken a rule; I was making up my own mission, a mission to find proof. She just had to be alive, in my heart I couldn’t believe that I could have possibly…

I found my proof. Her dog’s body was untouched by the explosion. Somehow it must have avoided it but then died of smoke inhalation. I picked it up and realized my hands were shaking. I remembered my mission and what I had been taught about my emotions. There was no room in their mission for my emotions. But my own mission was in the front of my mind right now. They wouldn’t ever be able to train this out of me; through this failure I’d learned something that they could never teach. I held the puppy and the flower and walked away with a new mission. I would never give up on my emotions…no matter who tried to stop me…

In my heart I had more faith in you
Than anything ever
For I saw your eyes and knew
That even in the darkest hour
You would be okay
And I’m glad I knew you
Right up to the end
My brave
Lonely
Brand new friend…