The Break Up
(Professor G, Doktor S, Instructor H, and Master O are all sitting around, drinking coffee. Doctor J walks in holding a bunch of papers.)
J: Here are the final write-ups for the Wing Zero designs. Gentlemen, we are now ready to begin production.
(The scientists get up and crowd around the plans.)
G: Hey, where's the beam scythe?!
J: Oh, shut up about your stupid beam scythe. You've been whining about it for months now.
G: That's 'cause it's a good idea!
J: No, it isn't! There is no way to make Minovsky particles bend that way!
(Doktor S leans over to Doctor J.)
S: Um... this is the AC timeline, not the UC timeline. We have no actual justifying physics here.
J: Really? Well... it still wouldn't work. It's too improbable.
G: This coming from Mr. "I'm sure the beam cannon won't overheat in Earth's atmosphere."
H: Speaking of Earth, I still say we should make it more adaptable to terrestrial combat. Beam weapons are better for space combat.
(Pause. All the scientists turn and stare at H.)
O: H, I thought we agreed we didn't want the Wing Zero to be a wuss.
H: That's easy to say when you're 6'-9".
O: Yes, it is.
G: Anyway... if you guys won't allow the scythe, at least give me the hyper-jammers. We can spare the booster packs.
J: But the booster packs are what give it its speed.
G: Like the Tallgeese, the oh-so-wonderful suit that crushes a pilot's chest?
J: Your momma!
(G punches J. The two start fighting. The others pointedly ignore them.)
O: So, anything else we should worry over?
S: I still think it should have missiles. And lots of them.
H: What is it with you and missiles?
S: When I see them blow up, I feel good.
(O and H take a step back from S.)
G: Got your arm!
(G holds up J's robotic arm.)
J: Why you...
(J tackles G.)
S: Do you think we should stop them?
H: Why not? O?
(O grabs J and G in one hand each and holds them apart.)
O: Are you ready to continue?
J and G: (mumbles) Yes.
(O puts J and G down on opposite sides.)
J: Well, besides a Mr. Beam Scythe...
(G noticably bristles.)
J: ...does anybody else have something to say?
O: You know, I just had this idea. What if we made the beam saber arm extendable? Then it could strike at a distance. Or even more, maybe we could just put a spike or something at the end. What do you think?
J: That has to be...
G: ...the dumbest idea...
S: ...I have...
H: ...ever heard.
(O sniffles. A lone tear falls down his check.)
O: I am *sob* tired of having you *sob* ridicule my every idea! I am taking my contibutions and leaving!
(O grabs up some papers and stomps out.)
G: Yeah, you know what... I'm building my own Gundam. An effective Gundam. Let's see YOU design a mobility system.
(G grabs some papers and leaves.)
H: Screw you guys. I'm not going to do something as dumb as send a space fighter to Earth.
(H grabs some papers and leaves. Now the plans are considerably smaller than before. J turns to S.)
J: You leaving?
S: Can we put missles on it?
(S grabs some papers.)
S: You can make your own shoulder-mounted machine cannons.
J: Joke's on them. I still have the back-up plans.
H: (From a distance) And I'm taking the back-ups with me!
J: Well... I did anticipate this. Huh, joke's on them. They couldn't do a thing without me.
(J turns to what's left of the plans.)
J: Let's see... I'll have to reduce the size of the beam cannon, since H took the custom servo-motor plans. And without G's quick manueverablity systems, I should take off the boosters. And I'll have to repalce the machine guns with vulcans...