[ the gwg | fanfics | Male Bonding ]

Male Bonding

Editor's Note: I don't know who wrote this, it was included in a group of jokes and funny stories. If this is your work, please let me know!

(Scene: Wing Zero and Epyon fighting on Libra during the last episode of Gundam Wing. They rush each other. Wing Zero chops off Epyon's arm, and Epyon falls to the ground. Wing Zero is about to walk off when Epyon gets back up.)

Zechs: (over the com.) Where do you think you're going?

Heero: (over the com.) What the... I defeated you. Now just lie there while I go off and be heroic.

Zechs: What do you mean? I'm still going.

(Pause. Wing Zero gestures to Epyon's missing arm.)

Heero: Your left arm is missing!

Zechs: So?


Heero: (flustered) Your left arm is freakin' missing!

Zechs: Yes, I noticed. I still don't see what your point is.

Heero: But... but... your arm...

Zechs: Is missing, I know. It doesn't matter. I'm perfectly fine.

(An ackward moment passes.)

Zechs: Oh, come on! It's just a giant robot. With the exception of blowing up while I'm inside, its own condition has absolutely no effect on my physical welfare.

Heero: Well... I... I... didn't think of that, admitted...


Zechs: (amazed) You didn't think of it? There is actually something you didn't think of?

Heero: Well, you know, you spend time with a robot, and, well, it kind of rubs off on you... er... you know about this, right?

Zechs: Dude, get a social life. Go on a date, something. Look, I'll set you up with my sister. You two look like you might like each other.

Heero: (embarrassed) I... er... um...

(Cut to the command room at MO-II. Relena is standing there with a look of infinite hope.)

Relena: Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please...

(Cut back to Wing Zero and Epyon.)

Zechs: Er, come think of it, maybe not.

Lady Une: (over com.) Er, guys?

Heero: Yes?

Une: Well, could you wrap this up anytime soon? We kind of have a planet wide disaster to stop.

Zechs: My, aren't we pushy?

Heero: We're talking here. Go have Treize's love child or something, schizo.

Une: Hey, I do not deserve this!

Heero: C'mon, when have you done anything useful for us in this series?

Une: I saved Duo and Wufei back at the Lunar base.

Zechs: Oh yeah, we really needed you to save those two. We both know the importance of the honor-obsessed psychopath and the... the...

Heero: (helpful) Religious freak with homicidal mania?

Zechs: And the religious freak with homicidal mania. Face it, you're nothing but a useless side character who got too much screen time.

Une: (choking up) I... I... I... I have to go now...

Heero: Heh, we showed her.

Zechs: Why have we been fighting? With our combined insult skills, we could rule the universe!

Heero: By jove, you're right!

(Wing Zero extends its hand.)

Heero: Partners?

(Epyon shakes the hand.)

Zechs: Partners.

(The room start to glow red.)

Heero: Is it getting hot in here?

Zechs: I do believe Libra is crashing into Earth.


Heero: Shit.

Zechs: Well, this was humiliat--

(Fade to white)